Miracle Oil

I’ve tried Coppertone and looked like an orange,
Complete with dimples and juice.
Easy to rub in, and rub in some more,
Til my skin called for a truce.
The stuff even smells like coconut,
It’s part of the good life
Problem is that it smells so good
I’m a buffet for mosquitos and flies!

Next was tanning beds with violet lights
but bikinis look strange on a man
The wife wondered why I had panty lines
Somehow she don’t understand
I’ve done creams and sprays and facial care
And returned to my wild child
But a week later at work in a tie
I look like a duck on the Nile

Sat in the tub, with my cowboy hat,
Mulling my options and sins
How could I achieve the look I desired
Since looks are as deep as my skin
It would take a miracle of science
With emphasis on cures of the mind
WD 40 seems to have the answer
So I’m buying up cans all mine!

Miracle Oil, Miracle tan,
I’ve discovered the meaning of life
It’s all tied up in a can of oil
Less money than replacing my skin
Better living through chemistry
I was dealt a cruel blow to man
A white man has to sacrifice comfort
A spray on tan from a can